"That's Nothing!"

Don't ever tell a group of two or more people that you've got a paper cut on your finger... why?
Because the odds are somewhere between 99.85% and 100% that someone else in the group has had a paper cut on their tongue "that really hurt!" and an amazing 75% that all the others have had one as well... what are the odds? Maybe it was some strange form of hazing ritual during the 80s. I firmly believe that it's as reflexive as the knee-jerk for people to transform most ordinary conversations into an impromptu game of "Can You Top This?".
Once you know this to be the case, the game becomes fun rather than being a desperate attempt to seem extraordinary. Granted, most guys' self images are fragile enough to need a good boost now and then, but really, what better way to do it than to make someone else look foolish trying to salve their own ego? Hmmmm, something about that seems vaguely "jerky" but I can't quite put my finger on why.
Remember, hyperbole is your friend. YOUR paper cut severed your tongue requiring the Heimlich, and caused such excessive bleeding that it ruined your autographed Frampton Comes Alive concert shirt. Anyone willing to tell you "Nuh-Uh" is also your friend by the way; "what, you don't BELIEVE me?".
Someone always gets up earlier, drives further/faster, or ate worse food. Mom's fried liver used to be my "purple heart" food story... way too pedestrian. The piece I hid in the leg brace of the dinner table and forgot about for a year is usually good for a laugh though. When I tell people about Dad's peanut butter and MiracleWhip sandwiches however, the most common response is "Dude they were clearly trying to kill you."